Category archive: Blog
On Waking Up To A Phone Call Telling You You’re Dead
Imagine one night you’re partying out with friends, having a good time, drinking some alcohol and generally just having a good time. You keep partying late into the morning, finally crashing into bed around five in the morning. Not too long after you start doozing off into that good ‘ol deep sleep, your phone starts vibrating like hell hath no mercy. You answer it and on the other line you hear a relieved voice saying, “Thank God you’re not dead. [REDACTED] is telling everyone you killed yourself.”
Ahh…Main thought…What the fuck?!
It’s a pretty funny story I can’t really believe myself. I mean, am I that hated that someone would have the audacity to spread such a vile rumor about me? For Gods sake I hadn’t even talked to the dude who started the rumor in over 3 years. They really thought things through though, they had a suicide note and everything apparently. I myself never got to see the actual note but I was sent a message on Facebook by the person detailing it for me. I’ll post the screenshot of that message below. I obviously blurred out peoples names. Although they went to a lot of trouble to write a note and make it look legit, they messed up a lot of key details in the note. Any real person that knows me would know there was no way in hell I would have written that note. I’ll break it down for you below.
1. “Lives hard”? Haha anybody who knew me around the month of January knew I was having the best time of my life. I was surrounded everyday with the most amazing person I’d ever met. Everyday was a new blessing from above. Life was fucking great. Plus, I don’t live with consequences, I find ways to turn them to my advantage or fix them. I don’t give up.
2. The date they choose for this is kinda weird since it actually is significant. Maybe they stalked my Facebook or something and choose a date from there. IDK, they got it wrong though, just choose a significant day of my life.
3. I have never and will never ever, (not even if there is a fire) call the person I’m dating at the time “Boo.” I’m not that type of person. I will in times say “Babe” or “Baby.” There’s actually a higher chance I’ll say “Mi amor.” I’ll never say “Boo.” never have, never will
4. Um, I’d actually like to think that day went pretty well. We had Red Lobster and stared into each others eyes all day. Wasn’t terrible at all, good try.
5, 6, 7: In an effort to save me time, let me just say; My time is nowhere near coming, I would never take death as an option; you weren’t really a good friend. We haven’t talked in over 3 years bro. I don’t really believe in another side right now, doesn’t mean I won’t later, just means I don’t now. I wouldn’t talk about seeing anyone on another side if I wasn’t sure of it myself. Plus, I don’t end things with the word “brother.” I’m not a one of those persons that goes around saying “What’s up brother?” and the like.
8: I don’t sign things as “-Perez” I either write JCP, CP, or CP with the words CP Digital Darkroom below them.
Anyways, It’s 3:30 AM and I found this message and decided to write this blog post for anyone else who decides they want to spread a rumor about me killing myself. Get the facts straight and at least get the suicide note sounding a little more like me, for Gods sake I still can’t believe anyone would have believed that shit. I am one of the happiest dudes around. Suicide is not an option. That’s the cowards way out. -_-
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So here I am again, sitting with my chest in a knot and my feet thumping to the fast paced rhythm of my heart. Outside the snow is falling heavier than I expected when I made the decision to come here. On the way in, the cold air blasted my face as if it’s main intention were to freeze the uppermost layer of my skin. Looking outside I assume it’s only gotten colder.
Inside it’s warm but I can’t shake the ever present chill inside of my chest. It’s strange because I can feel my heart thumping loudly inside. I can feel the heat flowing through my body, yet the frozen feeling is there, nagging, screaming curse words at me for haven put myself in the position I now find myself.
So here I am again, sitting with my chest in a knot and my feet thumping to the fast paced rhythm of my heart. I’m counting down the minutes until my ex-girlfriend walks through the arrivals gate; Waiting for my heart to receive one last missed beat caused by her. I know I shouldn’t feel anything for her after what she did but I can’t resist. What will I feel? What will run through my mind seeing her after these past four days of hearing nothing from her but a couple words ending our relationship? More importantly, what will run through her mind? Does she even know the amount of stress she put on my body, my soul, my life; does it even phase her?
10 minutes have gone by since I decided to write this blog post. 10 minutes of me typing away on my phone out of my peripheral vision; my eyes mainly glued on a round clock on the wall. The clocks second hand moving around the face once, twice, ten times. It’s now 19 minutes until her plane is scheduled to arrive. Somehow I know these 19 minutes will take an eternity. Part of me hopes it would take a lifetime. Part of me doesn’t want these 19 minutes to ever pass. I don’t want to see the second hand go around the clocks face for the nineteenth time. Yet, there is that part of me that cannot wait for these last few minutes to pass. Cannot wait to see the tall, slender, black haired girl I’ve come to love so much walk through the arrival gate.
Am I stupid for even haven came for her? Am I stupid for still feeling this burning sensation inside of my chest?
I’m not sure. Want to know one thing I am sure of? I’m afraid.
(I also know I need a cigarette, end of blog post so I can go take care of this desire to put an end to this craving caused by stress. (plus my hands are sweating really bad and I don’t want to be touching my phone anymore))
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